Häagen-Dazs Trans Fat Scandal

To Whom It May Concern:

Häagen-Dazs ice cream runs in my blood. Well, not literally. See, my mother was eating a pint of Honey Vanilla (RIP) one fateful day in 1983 when she felt a hard kick inside her belly. I was born a few hours later.

Growing up I've remained true to Häagen-Dazs, consistently opting for its heavy, dignified creaminess over the flashy hodgepodge of Ben & Jerry's or the airy mass of Breyers. I'm particularly fond of Häagen-Dazs vanilla; after all, it says a lot when a company can make a vanilla that I want to eat as much as a chocolate. And look at the ingredients: Cream, Skim Milk, Sugar, Egg Yolks, Natural Vanilla--you don't get much more legit than that!

But during a recent perusal of the ingredients in the new Mayan Chocolate, I came across a pint-dropping discovery: Häagen-Dazs Mayan Chocolate contains 0.5g of trans fat per serving. I frantically grabbed for more pints to see if any other flavors were tainted by this fatal fat. To my devastation, they all were. Even vanilla.

I was crushed. I could almost feel my arteries hardening as the years of ignorant Häagen-Dazs consumption suddenly caught up with me. I reflected a moment, then put the Mayan Chocolate back on the shelf and picked up a gallon container of Edy's Butter Pecan instead. No thanks, Häagen-Dazs, no trans fat for me.

Although I can't say I really know why trans-fat is bad, I do know that it is bad. Very bad. And eating it is a big no-no these days. Therefore, I hereby boycott Häagen-Dazs ice cream until each and every flavor is purged of this injurious ingredient. Until then, I'll be sticking to New York Super Fudge Chunk.

Very truly yours,

Christopher W.